his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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