i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
