I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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