All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
