Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can Purell be used as lube?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we're making bets on your personal life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
