I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
