Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
