He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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