yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
