I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
