Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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