It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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