God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
