I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
