I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
