We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
