thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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