Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
