I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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