it wasn't lemon gatorade
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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