I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
