what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
