guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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