If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
