Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize