I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
