She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
