i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
