just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
