i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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