I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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