I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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