They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
