I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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