Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How external is "for external use only"?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize