Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
