Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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