I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I AM VODKA MAN
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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