You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
