that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
