why didn't you poke me back
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
