just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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