im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
