my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
