then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
