so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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