Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
