took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
