That's when you crack a 10am beer
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
