you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
