I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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