I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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