so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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