i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
