If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
