Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
