I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
