so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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