Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
