u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
