mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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