my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
