brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
