Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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