We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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