My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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