You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
