You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wear drunk well.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
