It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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