listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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