i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
