This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
