I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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