Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
