I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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