Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
