his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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