You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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